COSMIC NOTE TO SELF: Stop Chasing Friendships, Dreams, and Boys

Stop chasing friendships, dreams, and boys—instead, shine so bright from within your own halo of joy, your own truth, that what is meant for you knows where to find you. I really needed to hear this this week. So many things are changing around me and sometimes it’s just so hard to keep moving forward, to keep GROWING.

I want to cling onto the things that had brought me comfort. But I’m realizing that those things just keep me stuck. Life is embracing and letting go. And the most important thing is to keep nourishing you. The brighter you shine, the easier it is for what is meant for you to find you.

COSMIC NOTE TO SELF: He Does Too Exist

When I was a teacher, I used to tell my friends about the kind of guy I wanted to spend my life with, the one whom I would pray for at marriage shrines all across Japan. My friends were all married. Maybe that’s what made them say to me, “What you want doesn’t exist.” I felt naive, like I couldn’t even hope for what I wanted. It wasn’t like I was asking the universe for superficial things like must be this tall, must be this good-looking, must earn this amount of money. God, can’t a girl ask for a man with a good heart? One who makes her feel safe? Do those things not exist anymore?

So years passed and when nothing happened in my love life, the married people became smug married people. Even I began thinking that they were right. I began to believe that what I wanted didn’t exist. Then one day, I was watching Document 72 Hours on NHK World. It’s a documentary program where they film in one place for 72 hours and interview the people who frequent there. I didn’t realize it at first but as the show went on, I realized that they were filming in Ito-ya. For those of you who love stationery, it’s a 12-story stationery dream in Ginza with a cafe on the top floor that uses the lettuce that they grow on the eleventh floor.

At one point, the interviewer approached a man who was looking for special stationery for his girlfriend of three years. He was going to propose to her and wanted to find just the right one that she would like. We later learn that ten months into dating, this man’s girlfriend got seriously ill and had to be hospitalized for six months. During that time, she was unsure if they should continue as a couple. After all, what kind of future could they have in her condition? But it didn’t matter to him. Regardless, he really cared about her and wanted to marry her. He wrote her many letters during that time. And he told her that he loved her no matter what. Luckily, she had an operation and eventually recovered. He said that she still has all his letters and will take them out every once in a while to read them.

HIs story gave me hope. Here was a man who had the chance to bolt, to choose an easier path with someone else, but didn’t. He chose to stay with her and he chose her. That loyalty and sincerity was inspiring. So yes, good men are out there in the world. They exist, people! And are willing and ready to love women like me. It definitely renewed my resolve that I can have what I want. Happy Valentine’s Day to all the people who believe.

COSMIC NOTE TO SELF: Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First

This is the first drawing I’ve been able to do, not just in 2022, but after what feels like a really long time. It wasn’t that I was out of ideas. I had this idea in my head for weeks. But I wasn’t listening to my own advice. Just like the girl in the drawing, I wasn’t putting on my own oxygen mask first.

Since the beginning of the year, I feel like this message has gotten louder, to the point where I can’t ignore it anymore. And I know that I’m not the only one. I think as women, we’re often taught that our roles are more important than caring for ourselves. A lot of us are taught to “think of others.” In Asian culture, it’s often seen as selfish to think of yourself. I think it’s good to think about other people, but I feel like we all need to do that—not just women. By understanding where others are at and who they are, we have a chance of building a more compassionate society.

But as women, myself included, putting ourselves first needs to be required rather than optional. I’m definitely a slow learner when it comes to caring for myself. I think it’s a challenge for creatives like me. When things are flowing, I just want to go, go, go. To hell with self care. But my body, my heart, and my mind know that this is not sustainable. I think the other issue women may have to deal with is guilt. I have parents who are in their eighties. Top that with a worldwide pandemic and I feel guilt every single time I have to say no. I can literally hear that voice inside my head that says, “a good daughter would do that for them.”

But I’m learning that if I don’t take care of me, I can’t do anything for anyone else. I hope you are learning that too. Cosmic Notes to Self. It’s like the universe’s version of a Post-It Note. Believe me, I need them.